the hypocrisy of enlightenment (or on being yourself, leaning on your friends and into joy)
February 17h, 2026
dearest reader,
this week has been enlightening.
i would like to say that ive been spending my days in quiet reflection. that’s not the truth though. i have been aggressively loud about my reflection an realizations.
this is at the behest of my new therapist. who has been a wonder.
ever meet someone and think: this person might save my life? that’s my therapist. saving my life. most definitely.
which brings me to the three main things that i learned about myself this week.
one. i am a hypocrite and i have absolutely no intentions of changing this about myself. i would give you an anecdote about my childhood here, but to spare you the complicated details of my childhood and say that i was groomed to be both master and slave. which of course it part of what has crafted this hypocritical nature of mine. I love the rain but hate to be wet. i crave affection but cannot stand touch. i believe in kindness but am by nature cruel.
two. i am actually as smart as my doctors told me. i have been told my whole life i am smart (and pretty, and funny). but, i have spent that same amount of time being humble and full of humility. no one likes a know-it-all after all. yet, i am constantly told i am smart. so, to prevent others from feeling insecure i used smaller words, dumber ideas, more acceptable paths. but then i took my autism evaluation and had the evaluator explain to me that i was too smart. my disability disabled me by making me a genius. (SOMEBODY CALL MENSA). and so now— im mad. because i spent my whole life telling myself i was stupid and average when im anything but. little me deserved better.
three. i am mean, and thats okay. you might not see it. why? because im friendly. but that friendliness is a well sharpened weapon. im friendly because it brings peoples boundaries down. im friendly because rudeness gets you kicked out of the room. im friendly because you attract more bees with flowers than with vinegar. it adds a sweetness to the day. but that is a trap that everyone falls for. they think because im friendly— i will be a good friend. and i can be a good friend to those who need a friend like me. but i say what i want when i want. i will tell you that youre a fucking idiot with honey lacing my voice. why? because its truth, and just because its true doesn’t mean it has to be rude. im tactless not uncivilized. i laugh at others, and parade their pain. why? because irony, difficulty, hardship can be funny. especially when its a bed they made themselves.
and the thing about it is? i like myself. my friends like me. my family loves me. and its become so much easier to speak when i allow myself to to just be me.
i spent my time
dear reader, i spent nearly all my free time this week working on my animal crossing island. the 3.0 update has been amazing, and i became a bellionaire.
so i have begun the process of really working to shape my island into what i wanted it to be.
i also finally recieved my christmas gift i bought myself. which was amiibos of the pastel animals i wanted on my very pink, very pastel island.
the villiagers i began with were ugly, though i am sure someone loves them. so i am slowly removing them one by one until all of my menagerie is cute pink, and fluffy.
on practice
i decided not to go to yoga school after all. in part because i actually think that its a scam and would do me literally no good what so ever, but also because i realized that working out is my hobby and i wanna keep it that way.
unlike writing, which is my job and i want to keep that that way too.
its literally insane how much work i have been getting done now that i am no longer on the clock app. i spend my days, reading, working out, writing, and learning. the perfect mixture for someone like me.
it has been such a good realization.
without all of the stress and pressure i am feeling so much more free.
on friendship during revolution
the truth is that there is a bloody and horrific revolution brewing in the wings of the world stage at this moment.
we’re tired.
we’re lonely.
we’re starving
we’re sick
and that is a pressure pot betting to boil over.
if you’ve been paying even one “eh” of attention this is not coming as a surprise to you. you are intensely aware of the war that is happening in minnesota. chicago. new york (and coming to a city near you). and that is fucking terrifying.
you are not alone.
now more than ever it is worth calling a friend. reaching out to a person. your person. any person.
because the systems are purposely pushing us to the edge. they are hoping to incite the incident.
i know your afraid. that you worry you aren’t doing enough. thinking that you don’t deserve to live. to go out. to laugh. there is too much hatred in the world, too many people dying. why am i allowed to have joy?
and guess what? you don’t need to do anything to earn it either.
you can go bowling, even if the bombs are dropping.
you can sing even as the bullets do too.
because life is still happening. it must has to keep happening.
if life stopped because of tragedy then there is ho hope.
nothing to look forward too.
so— go see a movie with your friend
wave to your neighbor on your hot girl walk.
anyway.
that’s what’s been sitting with me this week.
Edit: speaking of spending time with friends. My bestie got these for me. the pink one smells amazing
weekly reads
Glint— Raven Kennedy
weekly watches
Dracula: a love tale
This shit is immaculate. no notes.
Peppa Pig
this has been my go to for overstimulation this week. and i got this sit ass reaction image when i paused.
weekly listens
writing sneak peek
Achirres’ presence hit her all at once—towering and sunlit, like some ancient statue coming to life. Those glacier-blue eyes locked onto hers, a lazy and easy smile across his lips. He held her gaze but saw straight through her, past her skin and bones to something deeper. His broad shoulders seemed to block out the rest of the sky, but the sun peaking through the storm clouds kissed the edges of his form. That same sun had kissed its skin leaving smatterings of freckles across the exposed flesh giving this monster a boyish charm.
To Seek. To Find.
hues