small joys, on ice and the world being on fire
The Morning Hues,Tuesday, January 27th 2026
dearest reader,
this week was enlightening.
i learned quite a bit as i have navigated my daily life.
some days the consistency feels boring to me. like i’m a rat in a race, or a minotaur in a maze. waking up daily, and counting the leaves on the hedges, or the cheese in my bowl in order to stay sane. i often ask who would want to read about this?
but dear reader, this is by design. the monotony is leading toward the madness of genius but it only works if you stick to it. if you allow the rhythm to swell and build. the inspiration will burst through and flood all of your synapses.
i’m in the swell at the moment. daily: wake up, brush my teeth, shower, skin care, breakfast, take care of my mom, lunch, work, dinner, work, journal, work out, read, sleep. i move from one space in my enrichment enclosure to the next. the momentum hidden beneath them twitching of my skin wrapped around my muscles poised to pounce when the plot finally comes to me. the momentum encased deep writhing. moving without moving. progress promised purposely posed to be perceived as being paused.
but i’m not paused. i’m in a state of instant transmission, riding the swell.
on top of that i’m fighting the bronchitis still. i long for the days where i could sleep when i was sick, but here we are.
this week
it was my moms birthday so i hung out with her and my auntie came to visit. this is in part because i was supposed to be in a sleep study this week because conditionally speaking all of 2025 last year i didn’t sleep well. specifically i was waking up extremely thirsty like 5-6 times a night and drinking nearly a gallon of water between those times. however, it seems to be from cortisol being raised.
not being surprising as a cancer moon that when i am stressed my sleep and dreams begin whiling out.
but that aside, my mom turned 72! everyone say Happy birthday Momma Pat! my mom has always been my biggest supporter and honestly i want to be able to help her the way that she helped me. i mean not just being a mom, once i was an adult my mom has gone above and beyond to support me as a child and a content creator. its hard to find someone like that.
my momma is a special lady. despite being a boomer she can apologize and love you regardless of your gender or sexuality, and she has offered to adopt all of my substack readers who need some loving! <3 lemme know if you need a pseudomom in the comments.
i also was blessed with my loading dose of dupixent this week. that shit hurt, but my skin is grateful and probably so are my lungs.
i also finally got back to working out this week after a week of nothing. i was was feeling so much like dookie.
small joys
playing Uno with my momma this week was super fun. she swears she hates cartoons and hates games but somehow when they are put on the tv or table she loses herself in them. and she’s super good at the games too. she literally beat me and bens butts.
another small joy this week was getting to organize and better open up my bedroom. its been really crowded trying to fit my bedroom and office in one space since moving into my moms house.
on practice
i already mentioned that i kind of sucked this week or so on sticking to my yoga and work outs. i’ve just been so sick. but i have diligently journaled every day, don my sudoku and read my book. so i think that is definitely worth celebrating.
on ice and the world being on fire
i’m scared of being deported. i’m also scared of being pulled away from my family.
while i can pass the paper bag test, i am still not white passing. i’m still mixed. i’m still not a desirable even if i did nlook like them. and what’s crazy is that some times my fear takes over and i want to look like them.
straight blond hair. blue eyes. heterosexual hyperfeminine tradwife.
safe. until its just the women their after.
sometimes i wish i was a man. same appearance as above, but a man.
i don’t want to be pulled away from my family. even though they’d have to pull me from the vice grip of my loved ones. even though my family looks like them, they aren’t them.
and here’s the thing.
i have never even when i was was at my lowest of the lows wanted desire to look like them.
i love my tan skin. i love my green eyes that shift in the light. the dark brown of my hair, and the way it tightly coils around my round face and wide nose. even wider hips. and a big head just like my ancestors.
i have never desired to be anything but who i am. i am always myself.
but the way that everything is exploding and catching the bystanders with the stays scares me.
unlocks something carnal in me.
its like: what can i do? what should i do?
i can’t just keep doing this
* wild gestures at crumbled pages covered in pen ink *
can i?
they say that everyone has a role in the revolutions. so what’s mine?
storyteller? anarchist? archive?
i love talking about policy, even have a few ideas for it myself. but the politics—this game that is being played with the lives of real people frightens me. disgusts me.
and its the fact that there are humans that inhale oxygen and exhale hatred. who love the feeling of blood on their hands. No good soldier enjoys that feeling. take it from a martian. a good man is repulsed by blood, and death, and vestigial gore. that’s why a good man is dangerous. because a good man knows what it takes, is willing to do it, but chooses peace.
these men dressed in tachgear, blinding civilians and killing mothers? they aren’t good men.
they serve a tyrant. a false prophet. evil dressed up as god.
and while their lapping up his cum to call him king in hopes of a crown themselves.
we will remember. their names. their faces. their families.
and their actions.
we will be planning. coalescing in our communities to build something better.
even if we’re scared.
we cannot take knee to a false king.
we cannot trade out humanity for safety.
the world is on fire.
the ice that should be cooling it off is made of gasoline.
and the only thing that stands between it and the children?
its us.
terrifying, right?
anyway…that’s what’s been eating me this week.
weekly reads
Gild— Raven Kennedy
i haven’t gotten all the way through this one yet, but it and its next two sequels are the book club reads for the month of february. as much as i love king midas (the folklore) this is…hmm
weekly watches
They Cloned Tyrone— Netflix
This movie is a personal love of mine. my mom asked to watch it for her birthday. and honestly it didn’t even feel like two hours. it just flew slew flex by.
Im not proud to admit i did a deep dive on a familiar favorite and childhood watch Sister Wives this weekend. it was background filler, and honestly it answered a good portion of my questions but tbh i need to get out of the habit of watching shit i do not care about.
i’ve been on a journey this week, and it brought me back to a personal favorite reaction channel. obesetobeast. I checked out the featured influencers substack too. it was interesting but not my cup of tea. i didn’t really have any thougths about this video besides that there are more important things to be talkjing about to be honest. felt like a waste of time.
i’m still working on my hero academy right now. but, lemme know if ya’ll have any fun suggestions for quick animes or shows to watch
some other watches from this week
weekly listens
writing sneak peek
excerpt from my current novel:
Tattoos coiled around his forearms and climbed the curve of its neck, an intricate dance of Celtic knots interwoven with irezumi-style storm clouds. The knots, endless and deliberate, flowed seamlessly into the dense, curling forms of clouds that seemed to shift and roil under the café’s dim lighting. Lightning bolts streaked through the designs, their sharp edges adding a dynamic energy that made the ink feel alive. Across its neck, the storm clouds faded into softer details, blending with the natural contours of its throat.
Y/N P0V sneak peak
What happened in the meeting:
Eamon: Thank you all for joining us at this meeting. We are really hoping to get into the nitty gritty of the culture here at New Life Publishing. As you all have probably heard we are moving in a new direction with the company. We have notices that due to the grind and demand of the industry we are in we have all in many ways lost our sense of identity and self. So, we are going to be implementing some changes that should bring back spark we all had for publishing. Rat, one of our HR reps will be taking over the meeting from here. Listen closely everyone.
Rat: Hi everyone! Many of you have already met me, but some of you have maybe dealt with one of our other HR reps or the CHRO. But, my name Rat and today we will be talking about the culture of individuality.
The first thing that we will be expecting each department head to do for themselves and the others in their departments is to choose a moniker that they would like to go by in their worklife. While outside of work we do not expect you to use this moniker, we have noticed that productivity and satisfaction has increase amongst those in the work place who have implemented these “names” already.
Yes, Y/N
Y/n: hi, im the head of finance. This seems a little ridiculous. Weren’t these names just a running joke around the office, from Y/N in editing.
Rat: Right. Thank you Y/n–head of finance. I can understand why you might be feeling that way. And while Hues–hues wave please– ah there we are, did start this process as a joke,the C-suite has noticed that those who use these names have a healthier work place culture which has resulted in more productivity. Yes, Badboy rough around the edges co-head of editing?
Badboy rough around the edges cohead of editing: Right, so, how do we pick this moniker? All of you were giving one by Hues?
Crimson: I didn’t. I got my name from Becky. And I love it. Crimson is just so /chic/.
Rat: Correct. One way for you all to get this moniker is by visiting Hues, who will be temporary made head of the naming department, But–
Hues: wait, uhm, what?
Eamon: Hues..we can talk after.
Hues: I’d rather–
Rat: But! We strongly encourage you to talk amongst your peers or select a name yourself. Hues will get us an appointment calendar and we can have you all set up appointments.
Hues: stunned
Rat: Moving on. There will be no more flirtation or romance allowed in the office during office hours it is completely inappoarpriate and leaves the company open to law suits– fade out
see you soon,
hues